| The Joy of Toys: Everything You Ever Ever Ever Wanted to Know About Sex Toys... |
| By Kendall McKenzie | |
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...And Probably Some Stuff You Didn't  Sex toys have existed, in some form or another, literally since the beginning of civilization, surviving periods of catastrophic sexual repression to become a billion-dollar industry today. They're not some hedonistic modern invention masterminded by cable television or San Francisco to corrupt America's innocent heartland; they're merely another undeniable manifestation of the fact that human beings really, really, really like fucking. And that's cool. Nonetheless, stigmas abound, and there's this incorrect perception that using toys is unnatural, unnecessary, or excessive—i.e. the "real thing" is better, and only freaks need toys to feel satisfied. This attitude is buttfuckingly ridiculous. Sex toys aren't a replacement for human beings or partner sex; rather, they allow us to explore our own complex, nuanced, and layered sexuality, as well as fulfill a wide range of desires, with or without other people. If a partner is threatened by sex toys or unwilling to consider incorporating them into sex play, perhaps you should have a nonjudgmental conversation to try to explore and relieve their anxiety. If the issue is jealousy or personal disapproval of your desire to use sex toys, you might want to, you know, dump them. Sex toys aren’t substitutes, they’re enhancements, and frankly I have little patience for people who are insecure about their partners’ use of sex toys or try to make them feel ashamed, abnormal, or unnatural. I mean, really…how threatening can a pink, sparkly dildo be? Often times, somebody's initial discomfort is quickly assuaged when they discover that sex toys can be easily folded into your typical routine and open tons of sexy doors for all parties involved: your partner(s) can watch you use the toys, use them on you, try them out themselves, etc. Toys can also help you overcome inhibitions, teach your partner how to please you, and even tone, tighten, and strengthen your pelvic muscles. Showing your apprehensive partner the various ways they can profit from your sexual exploration is a pretty effective way to nudge them onboard. At the same time, I should also note that there's nothing wrong with NOT using sex toys. We all have our preferences, and while many of us are sex toy aficionados, others are dabblers, and some just don't bother with them at all, for whatever reason. I want to encourage people who are curious about sex toys to feel free and unashamed to explore them, but I also want those who prefer to stay on the sidelines to feel comfortable doing so. And be aware that peoples' anatomy, sexual response, and preferences are extraordinarily varied, so you're not weird or strange if a particular toy doesn't do anything for you. If the latest trendy thingamabob that everyone loves fails to get you off, it's the toy's problem, not yours. Keep shopping around and, with a little trial and error, you'll eventually find the love of your (sex toy) life. A minor disclaimer: The world of sex toys is far too vast to be thoroughly covered in one humble article—the products, stores, and uses are practically endless. For brevity’s sake, I won’t be covering sex toys for dudes (cock rings, masturbation sleeves, etc.) though be aware that many of the toys I discuss (anal toys, vibrators, G-spot/P spot toys, strap-ons) can be used by and on men as well. Male readers and those with curious boyfriends should visit their local sex store and check out many of the wonderful options for men. I will also not be discussing BDSM gear—whips, chains, sensory deprivation, restraints, etc.—because, well, it’s just a whole other ballgame (not that there’s anything wrong with it). Nonetheless, this is an, um, incredibly thorough article, so you might find it easier to digest if you read it in sections. I do encourage you to explore the whole thing though, even if I discuss toys you're not particularly interested in. You never know—something might pique your interest and open a whole new world for you! Finally, I apologize in advance for any perceived heterocentrism / cisgenderism / ableism in this article. Though I do have an extensive knowledge of sex toys for everyone and try my darndest to be inclusive, the simple fact remains that I am an able-bodied, cisgendered, relatively hetero lady with absolutely zero personal experience makin’ it with girls, so I probably write from that lens (despite my best efforts not to). I also want to note that any stores I link to or recommend have not paid (or even asked) for their endorsement. I chose to link to these shops because of personal experience, variety and quality of toys, helpfulness of staff, and feminist/GLBT friendliness. I will not send you to some hole in the wall to be leered at by skeevy dudes. Allrighty, let the fun begin!  Possibly the most recognizable and classic bedroom addition of our time, vibrators are what you probably picture when you think about sex toys. They come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes, but because the most iconic ones are typically phallic-shaped (and because we live in a male-dominated culture in which penile penetration is considered the focus and goal of all sexual activity), many mistakenly assume vibrators are primarily used for insertion. If you’ve ever futilely hammered away at your vagina with a Slimline for hours in search of the explosive, earth-shattering orgasm that vibes are supposed to create, you know what kind of frustration this misrepresentation can result in. The truth is the majority of women require clitoral stimulation to come, and most use vibrators by pressing or rubbing them on their clits rather than penetrating themselves. The clitoris is highly responsive to vibration (much more so than the G-spot which responds mainly to pressure, or the vaginal walls which have very few nerve endings altogether), therefore most vibrators are designed primarily for external clitoral use. Of course, there’s no “wrong” way to use a vibrator (barring some common sense limitations), and vibrators can be enjoyed in a multitude of other ways, such as garden-variety insertion, nipple stimulation, anal play, pleasuring both you and your partner during sex, and so on. It’s also important to note that many women, though they enjoy clitoral stimulation, find direct contact with the clit to be too intense, and choose to use their vibes around or next to the clitoris. Even if you can’t handle direct clitoral vibration, there are toys for you too! While myths about sex toys, and especially vibrators, swarm, I promise you cannot get “addicted” to your vibrator, nor will it ruin your ability to stimulate yourself manually or damage your pussy. Constant use of a vibrator can, however, build up your tolerance to sensation and you may discover feeling a little numb or maybe taking longer to come, but taking a break from your vibrator for a day or two will restore your sensitivity. A good vibrator will have the motor in the tip, not the base, as vibrations dilute as they move up the shaft. You can figure out where the motor is by either asking a sex store employee or visiting a shop where they have models out that you can touch and feel to determine which end is heaviest and has the strongest vibe. While soft vibrators (ones made out of jelly rubber, latex, or silicone) are comfortable and great for both internal and external play, note that the squishy toy will absorb some of the vibrations and it probably won’t feel as strong—this could, however, work in your favor if you like a more gentle vibration. Most vibrators are waterproof these days, which is great for use in the shower and tub, but you can make practically any toy waterproof by putting it in a condom and tying off the end (unless it’s corded). And like many products, the country a vibrator is manufactured in can make a difference in quality. Japanese motors are known to be superior and more durable, though consequently a little pricier, while Chinese motors are a bit chintzier but also less expensive. If you’re looking at two very similar toys with very different price tags, the reason is probably the origin of the motor (though different materials can affect the price too). In sex toy land, quality varies drastically, and you usually get what you pay for. When selecting a vibrator, you want to keep your own needs and preferences in mind. Is sound an issue? What type and strength of vibrations do you prefer? Where and how do you want to use it? Do you want something with adjustable speeds? Does it need to be waterproof? Hard or soft, pliable or rigid, straight or bent, smooth or rippled? How much do you want to spend? Are you willing to take the time and energy to clean and care for a high-maintenance toy? This may all seem a little overwhelming, but it doesn’t take much more than a little (really, really fun) experimentation to find out what kinds of vibrators are right for you. Because it can be pretty expensive to buy and try different toys, you might want to start off with some really inexpensive basics to get a sense of what you need, then move on to the higher-quality stuff. Vibrators are powered by electricity, regular batteries, or mini watch batteries. The source of power will definitely affect the strength, type, and sound of vibration, and electric vibes are known to be the strongest (and louder), while watch battery vibes are probably the gentlest (and quieter). In line with common sense, battery vibes run by Ds or multiple AAs will probably be stronger than those run by one AAA. Vibes that run on electricity and larger batteries tend also to be rather “thumpy,” while watch battery ones can feel “buzzy,” though this is not always the case. If you have absolutely no clue what I’m talking about or can’t wrap your head around these specificities, try visiting a sex store (like Babeland or Good Vibrations) where toys are out on display so you can touch and experiment with them (on your hands, silly). It’s incredible to think details like this matter, but they really do make a huge difference. While many enjoy a tamer and/or buzzy vibration, I am a strong n’ thumpy girl hands-down, and have pretty much issued a personal lifetime ban on any toy run by watch batteries, as these are almost all buzzy to the nth degree. My favorite thumpy toys are the, ahem, Crystalessence Gyrating Penis and appropriately-named Thumper G. Fun fact: If you’ve ever looked at a toy and discovered it’s made to resemble a decidedly unsexy thing (like a rabbit, dolphin, or beaver), there’s an actual reason, and it’s not because someone thought it would be cute. Japan, which is a major exporter of sex toys, used to employ obscenity laws that prohibited the manufacture of products resembling genitalia. Dildos would have a face or animal etched into the material so shop owners can claim it’s just a doll and not, you know, get arrested and shit. It’s not exactly clear if these laws remain in place, though now you can buy Japanese-made products that actually look like genitals, so I assume they’ve lightened up a bit. I once had a Rabbit vibe with a shaft that perfectly resembled a penis except for, I swear to god, a fucking nun’s face (complete with a Rosary!) etched into the head. I thought maybe they were trying to tell me something. Electric Vibrators Electric vibrators [http://store.babeland.com/vibrators-electric] are commonly billed as “massagers” rather than sex toys and are often made by major appliance brands and sold in both sex stores and drug/department stores. These vibes are designed exclusively for external stimulation, which is apparent if you’ve ever noticed how large and bulky they are, but they offer EXTREMELY powerful vibrations due to their electric power source. Two common types of electric vibrators are wand vibes, which are shaped like a stick with a tennis ball-shaped rubber head, and coil vibes, which resemble hand mixers with a small, vibrating nub. The most popular models of these types of vibrators are the Hitachi Magic Wand and the Wahl Coil. There are some pretty major differences between the two: while wand vibes are typically pretty loud, coil vibrators are often described as “whisper silent”—I personally wouldn’t go that far, but they are pretty quiet. Coil vibes are packaged with a variety of attachments (with comically ignorant names like “scalp” or “spot” massagers), while wand vibes are good to go by themselves. They also produce markedly different types of vibrations: from a coil vibe’s small tip they’re very localized and focused, and from a wand vibe’s large, soft head they’re more general. Wand vibes are good for people with limited mobility because of their long handle, though they are relatively heavy and can be hard to maneuver. There are also a few cordless rechargeable models, but they're typically marketed as "luxury" vibrators and therefore are really expensive. While electric vibes are designed exclusively for clitoral stimulation, there are a number of attachments available for both models that will transform them into penetrative vibes or offer different external sensations. If you’re like me and prefer a really strong vibe, electric toys are a great way to go—and they also really do feel awesome as body massagers. If you like the vibrations electric vibrators produce but feel they’re too strong or intense, you can always place a towel or a sheet between your body and the vibrator, or use it next to your clit instead of directly on it. I own both a Magic Wand and a Wahl Coil, and while the localized intensity of coil vibes is too much for me, ho-ly shit I absolutely LOVE my Magic Wand. They don’t call it “the Cadillac of vibrators” for nothing; combined with the silicone Gee Whiz attachment, the Hitachi Magic Wand is definitely my A#1 champion. Cylindrical Vibrators Cylindrical vibes are what you probably think of when you think of vibrators. The most popular and classic example is the Slimline, also known as the “smoothie” and seen in rather unflattering beige tones in your mother’s underwear drawer. Cylindrical vibes are how the unfortunate rumor that vibrators are meant for insertion got started. Early vibrator manufacturers designed toys around the myth that women should and do exclusively desire penetration with a penis, and the resulting proliferation of phallic-shaped vibrators has consequently helped perpetrate this deception. Our culture, being both incredibly penis-centric and horrifically unenlightened about female sexual response (Freud called clitoral orgasms “immature”), has been relatively unwilling to let go of this construction, though now, thanks to the tireless efforts of modern-day sex researchers and educators, the majority of the population recognizes the importance of clitoral stimulation. While it is normal and often pleasurable to use vibrators internally, as I’ve said before, most women use them clitorally. Cylindrical vibrators are typically made either of hard plastic, or softer materials like jelly rubber, silicone, or cyberskin. Some even feature hard plastic with a removable soft sleeve so you can alternate sensations. They can be smooth or designed to resemble a penis, but the material will probably affect your results more than the shape—softer toys will usually produce more muted vibrations and hard plastic will almost always be the strongest. Basic plastic vibes are good beginner toys because they’re typically under $20 and you can really get a sense of what you want or need in future purchases. If a plastic vibrator is too hard or the vibrations are too strong for you, you might want to upgrade to a squishier material. If you discover you really like using it for insertion, maybe a G-spot vibe would feel even better. Perhaps you learn you’re only after localized clit stimulation, so a vibrating bullet might be a good match. No matter what other toys your cylindrical vibe may inspire you to try, it will probably always be your first love. Even though I have a plethora of bells n’whistles toys in my bedside drawer, my first Slimline remains a key player. G-spot Vibrators Before the G-spot became a household name in the ’80s, almost all sex toys were completely straight. The mainstream acknowledgement of the G-spot birthed a legion of toys created especially to hit the mega-hyped spot. While you can really use any insertable toy to stimulate the G-spot, toys designed specifically to target the front wall of the vagina are often more effective because they sport a curve or a bump at the end designed to reach this specific area, and some even have external textures like bumps or ridges to simultaneously stimulate your clit, lips, and butt. A bonus to G-spot toys is that the curve or bump often makes them great for clitoral use as well, due to both the concentration of vibrations in the tip and the anatomically-friendly, wrist-relieving angle. While objects that are on the softer side tend to be a bit more comfortable in the vagina because they offer some give, the firmness found in hard plastic or other stiffer materials is typically more effective when targeting your G-spot, since, again, it responds best to pressure. A popular technique when using angled or bent toys is to gently hook them behind your pubic bone and/or on your G-spot and pull down and/or out. G-spots tend to really like a pulling motion, hence the popularity of the “come-hither” finger technique. These toys are also the ones to look for if you’re hoping to achieve the magical phenomenon of female ejaculation. Finger Vibrators Finger vibes are tiny little vibes that slip on your finger(s), and are wonderful for incorporating into your partner play because of their unobtrusive nature. If you are a fan of late night infomercials, you’re probably already aware of the Fukuoku 9000, which is presented on television as a nice little neck massager, because apparently these people think we’re all really stupid. I’m going to be honest—I totally hate finger vibes. They’re far too buzzy and just nowhere near strong enough for me due to the fact that they all run on watch batteries, but these things have a cult following, so lots of other folks find they’re just right for them. Many people enjoy how small, quiet, discrete, and portable finger vibes are, and love to incorporate them into all types of sex play. They’re great to add a little buzz to oral sex or handjobs, and they’re probably one of the easiest toys to use on your clit during intercourse. Vibrating Bullets and Eggs Sometimes billed as “Magic Bullets” or “Silver Bullets,” vibrating eggs and bullets have enjoyed some positive buzz lately (no pun intended), due to their incredibly tiny size and portability. Bullets and eggs can be used by themselves or in conjunction with other sex toys. Many dildos, cock rings, butt plugs, panties, strap-on harnesses, etc. have a hole or sleeve specifically designed to fit a bullet and turn the stationary toy into a vibrating one. The vibrations can be pretty mild after traveling through the material, but it’s still a fun addition. Some vibrating bullets/eggs have a cord attached that leads to a battery pack with an adjustable speed feature, and others are cordless and turn on simply with the touch of a small button. While the latter are definitely a little less obtrusive, simpler, and more visually-appealing, I personally find them to be completely unusable because again, they’re run on watch batteries, often only have one speed, vibrate buzzy rather than thumpy, and are just too damn small and hard to control. This is, however, just a personal preference—you may find you really like a buzzy-type vibration and smaller size. I am a huge fan of corded bullets because of the powerful vibrations, adjustable speeds, and ease of use. While a corded vibrator seems a little unappealing at first, many people quickly realize that it actually offers greater mobility (you don’t have to reach down so far to adjust it) and can lend a fun element of surprise and control in partner play (let them manage the speeds). Despite their clitoral popularity, corded bullet vibes can actually be great vaginal/G-spot toys as well. It can feel pretty nice to tuck the vibrating egg up behind your pubic bone on your G-spot or hold it right at the entry of your vagina and tug outward. It is NOT recommended that you use the cord to pull because you could break the toy, so I usually tie a condom around the bullet and pull with the end of the condom instead. Dual/Double Vibrators Thanks to that stupid television show, (come on, you know you saw this Sex and the City episode), the most popular dual vibe, The Rabbit, is now a household name…and probably a household item. There is a legitimate reason these toys are incredibly popular, though. Designed for simultaneous internal and external stimulation, double vibrators provide several different sensations in one convenient package. The insertable shaft rotates—often in different and sometimes programmable patterns and directions—and a protruding branch, which is usually shaped like rabbit ears or another fetching animal, vibrates and flicks your clit. A few dual vibes have two prongs for both clitoral and anal stimulation, though you can use your single-branch vibe anally by flipping it around and allowing the vibrating bunny ears to stimulate your butt. Many models also have a section at the base of the shaft filled with little plastic pearls that tumble around the opening of the vagina (which has more nerve endings than the less sensitive walls farther up). Some double vibes’ controls are located in the base of the toy, and others have a separate battery and control pack attached with a cord. Again, while most people’s knee-jerk reaction is to grab the seemingly simpler cordless toy, I tend to prefer corded models because it’s much easier to fiddle with the speed and vibration when the switches aren’t attached to the toy you’re in the middle of fucking. The downside of these vibes is that they can be a bit trickier to use than you would expect from something that’s billed as the be-all and end-all of sex toys. I found I often had to adjust the position of the bunny or press it against my clit to get the right stimulation. After all, no vagina is shaped the same way so it’s unlikely that the position of the clit prong will be perfect for everyone. I also discovered that the twirling shaft and beads can stall when your cunt muscles clamp during orgasm in less expensive models with cheaper motors—not the opportune time for a toy to bust. You can avoid bunny meltdown by purchasing a Japanese-made vibrator, which tend to have better quality motors. Vibratex is probably the most known and respected manufacturer of double vibes, especially because of their use of high-quality Japanese motors. They make the classic Rabbit Habit, as well as a corded version, the Rabbit Pearl. While double vibrators are ridiculously hyped, some women are disappointed with their unexpected complexity and/or inability to conform to their specific needs. I had a rabbit vibe for a while, but I really didn’t use it that often and I never bothered to replace it when it broke. Double vibrators are great for those who crave simultaneous internal and external stimulation, but if a duel vibe ends up not working out, you can get similar results with greater control by simply using two vibrators, one internally and one externally. Vibrating Nipple Clamps Pretty self-explanatory. Many people enjoy their nipples being pinched and/or vibrated during sex. Vibrating nipple clamps can be a little difficult to find in your more mild hometown sex stores (you know, the ones that primarily stock basic Slimline vibes, cheesy shit like polyester lingerie, and bachelorette party dick hats), but thanks to the magic of the Internet, vibrating nipple clamps are well within your reach. Some, um, advanced users also find they enjoy clipping the vibes to their labia or other sensitive body parts, but if you’re interested in exploring this angle, I recommend doing so very carefully. Miscellaneous Vibrators There are literally hundreds of vibes on the market, and while not all of them fit into the categories listed above, there are a few more worth mentioning (I’ll cover anal vibes in the “Butt Toys” section). Probably one of the most well-known vibrators is the Pocket Rocket, which I personally believe is popular mostly because of the clever name. It’s small, made of hard plastic, and looks kind of like a spark plug with a nubby head. I tend to think Pocket Rockets are a little overrated, especially for the price. You can get a similar sensation in a more useful design (and inexpensive price) with a mini Slimline. There are also wearable and hands-free vibrators, which encompass panties with a vibrating pad (or hidden spot for a bullet), as well as clip-on or strap-on vibes. While vibrating panties are great for women who fancy being able to secretly stimulate themselves while going about their day, they can be tricky for partner use because it’s pretty difficult to have sex with panties on—though the cordless remote versions of these are popular with couples who want to explore the thrill of secret, surprise stimulation (partner A wears the panties, partner B controls the vibes). Strap-on vibes usually look like a tiny plastic animal (dolphins, butterflies, and crabs are common) attached to a harness made of elastic straps. While the appeal of hands-free vibes is pretty obvious, especially during partner sex, they tend to work better in theory than in practice. Women often find they have to press the toy against their clit in order to receive the proper contact, pressure, and stimulation, which kind of defeats that whole hands-free thing. There are also a few versions out there that are designed to clip onto your outer labia…um, ow. Other handy toys that are fun for both partners are vibrating cock rings, which are simply cock rings with a little sleeve that holds a bullet vibe. Along with vibrating your partner’s penis (or balls if you turn it around), the bullet will also buzz against your clit during intercourse. These are great for women who enjoy clitoral stimulation during sex, and, when placed on a dildo or fingers, vibrating cock rings turn them into vibrators too! Vibrating cock rings have recently enjoyed some notoriety when big-name condom companies began making drugstore versions. While I’m stoked to see different sex toys gain mainstream acceptance, I advise against using these particular models because they’re flimsy, disposable, and only last about fifteen minutes or so—and for what they are, they’re not exactly inexpensive. Instead, I recommend visiting a sex store or website and purchasing a cock ring and bullet combo. Not only can you enjoy the toy over and over again, but you can remove the bullet from the ring and just use it as a plain ol’ vibrator when the mood strikes. Some vibrating cock rings even have two sleeves and two vibes to stimulate his balls and your clit (and ass!) all at once.  Dildos are simply any stationary objects designed for vaginal or anal penetration. While many vibrators are insertable, a dildo doesn’t move unless you move it (thus a vibrator can theoretically become a dildo simply by being shut off). Despite rampant judgment, misunderstanding, and anxiety, dildos are not penis substitutes, but merely an enhancement that allows you to experiment with penetration, both on yourself and your partner, in a variety of ways. Not only are all vaginas unique, but no one vagina is the same at all times. The menstrual cycle, sex positions, birth, and the natural course of life all affect the size and shape your vagina can pleasurably accommodate. It’s completely normal to enjoy different penetrative experiences, and dildos are the best way to satisfy this desire. People use dildos for many reasons: because they enjoy controlling their own penetrative experience, because they like a feeling of fullness anally and/or vaginally, to engage in gender roll-playing, to experience different shapes, sizes, and textures, to experience insertive sex when a partner isn’t wanted or available, etc. Sometimes dildos are even used medicinally or therapeutically, like for women who are suffering from vaginismus, women who want/need to tone and/or stretch their vaginal muscles, or male-to-female transsexuals who must exercise with dilators (fancy medical term for dildos) to maintain their surgical vaginas. Bottom line is: using dildos is natural, pleasurable, fun, beneficial, and best of all, completely safe (assuming you properly clean and maintain your toys). The key to enjoying dildo play is relaxation and lots of lube for both you and the toy, especially if using a dildo anally (different types will be discussed in the “Lube” section). If you’re using a dildo that seems and/or feels a bit big, ease into it by placing the dildo at the opening of the vagina, inhale and tighten your vaginal muscles, then exhale and bear down while sliding the toy in, contracting and relaxing as you go. You may enjoy moving the dildo around, sliding it in and out, or leaving it stationary and squeezing your muscles around it—you are entirely in control of your own experience. It’s also really important to keep your dildo clean, especially since many are made of porous materials that easily harbor bacteria. I’ll go over proper care and cleaning in the “Sex Toy Materials” section, but a really easy way to always keep dildos sparkling is to use them with a condom. Basic Dildos The majority of dildos are relatively penis-shaped. Some are more realistic than others and come complete with veins, bulges, balls, or sometimes even foreskin. They can also be phallic yet smooth and not really representational of a real penis. Dildos are made out of all types of materials, from silicone, to cyberskin, acrylic, metal, glass, wood, and jelly rubber. (Please note that jelly rubber is quickly becoming controversial due to its use of phthalates, which have been associated with negative health effects. See "Sex Toy Materials" section for more info.) Of course, you can also buy dildos with the ability to vibrate, and there are even kits available that let you mold and make your own! Many dildos are available with a suction-cup base, which seems silly but is actually rather practical. You can suction your dildo to any smooth surface (like a wood floor, painted wall, or bathroom tiles) if you want to squat on or back up into it. Suction cups also come in handy if the dildo is large and heavy because they offer some stability. Treat your suction cup base gently though—abuse can easily cause it to tear off the dildo. Differently-Shaped Dildos A few dildos aren’t penis-shaped at all, such as ben-wa balls (balls meant to be inserted into the vagina that are often hollow and have smaller balls rolling around inside), G-spot dildos, or toys meant to exercise your Kegel/PC muscles. It’s important to note that you don’t need a device to properly tone your cunt muscles, and while some dildos are promoted as vaginal exercisers, they can also be used as plain ol’ sex toys. One of my favorite dildos is marketed as a Kegel-strengthener, but I’ve never done any pussy weightlifting with it—it's just great for G-spot action. Some dildos aren’t even necessarily meant for penetration, but rather to pack in your pants in order to create a realistic penis bulge. Female to male transgendered individuals, biological women who like to fuck around with gender, and biological men who want to represent a bigger package all find uses for these realistic packer dildos. Partner-Use Dildos There are two main types of dildos/dildo contraptions designed for partner use: strap-ons and double dildos, which can often be used in conjunction as well (double dildos can be worn in a harness). Some of the newer “hands-free” strap-ons also function as double dildos. Double Dildos Double dildos are often better in theory than in practice, though recent innovations have made them a lot more practical. The more classic design was simply a very long straight dildo with a head on each end, that could either be bent into a U shape to be used in a missionary-type position or held linearly between two partners and moved back and forth. Many folks discover they’re difficult to use if you differ in size from your partner, and can require a cumbersome amount of coordination and concentration to work effectively. Some of the most useful double dildo positions (lying on your side with your legs scissored together or on your hands and knees facing away from each other) can also be the least appealing because they compromise intimacy and closeness by placing you so far from your partner. That being said, double dildos have grown in leaps and bounds by adjusting their design to be a bit more anatomically-friendly, as seen in the very popular Nexus, which is also a great toy to use as a strap-on in a harness. Strap-Ons Strap-ons, the term used to describe a dildo and harness [http://www.babeland.com/harnesses] combo, have gained the inaccurate reputation of being a lesbian-exclusive toy. While it’s true that dildo harnesses see a lot of girl-on-girl play, anybody that has worked in a sex store will tell you that people of all genders and sexual orientations are strapping it on left and right. According to Good Vibrations, about 50 percent of all harness sales are to heterosexual couples interested in male penetration. Strap-ons can function as anything from a practical sexual device to a way for couples to play around with gender and gender roles. It can be interesting, for example, for a woman to experience the visual and physical sensation of having a penis, the classic symbol of male power, domination, and privilege. On the other hand, strap-ons are a way for men to accept submissive receptivity, acknowledge that their own penises aren’t necessarily the focus of all sexual activity, or merely explore anal penetration. They’re also useful for couples who want to engage in risk-free or simultaneous double (anal and vaginal) penetration, or for men who can’t keep a boner or like to stimulate their penis in other ways while fucking their partner. Communication is crucial when engaging in strap-on sex. Because the strapper isn’t conscious of a dildo the way they would be with a part of their own body, they have to rely on feedback to ensure the experience is enjoyable for everyone. Using plenty of lube will also keep things more comfortable and pleasurable for the receiver. There are two basic styles of harnesses: G-string/one-strap, which look like thong underwear and utilize one strap that goes up your bum, and two-strap, which feature two leg/hip straps attached to a waistband, sort of resembling a jock strap. Each has their own set of pros and cons: many people appreciate the aesthetic aspects of the one-strap style—it’s more simple and feminine, and kind of looks like basic underwear. One-strap styles can be quite pleasurable for women if they enjoy the feeling of the thong on their genitals, or if they want to use a butt plug or dildo on themselves in conjunction with the harness (the G-string strap will hold the toy(s) in place). Two-strap harnesses, however, offer much better stability, support, and genital access—there’s nothing running up your crotch and blocking your fun parts. For obvious reasons, men can find the one-strap style somewhat uncomfortable because it obstructs their junk (unless they’re wearing the harness without an attachment and pulling their own penis through the hole or ring), so I recommend going with a two-strap if you ever intend for a male to wear it with a dildo attachment. For those who don’t like the look and/or feel of strap harnesses, there are models that resemble bike shorts or briefs. Thigh harnesses, which hold a dildo on your leg so your partner can ride it, are another alternative. They open up a wide range of sexual possibilities for people with limited mobility and provide a good alternative to double dildos if both partners are wearing and sitting on one. Though they’re a bit tricky to find, there are also harnesses available that fit over your head or chin to provide penetration when performing oral sex. Cheaper harnesses are made from stiff or fake leather, vinyl, or elastic, and are often way too flimsy and uncomfortable. A higher-quality harness is made from supple leather, latex, or fabric, with a waistband that adjusts with D-rings or buckles (buckles give a tighter/more secure fit). Fancy harnesses can be quite pricey, though, so if you’re unsure about your commitment to strap-on sex, it might be worth trying a more inexpensive model first. There are a number of ways to attach many different dildos to a harness, but a toy will only work if it has a flared base of some sort, or if it is a double dildo with one end inserted into the wearer. Firmer dildos are better because they don’t flop around as much, and longer toys are ideal since the harness will take up some length and make thrusting difficult with a shorter dildo, though some couples prefer to just insert the dildo completely and rock their bodies together instead of moving the toy in an out, in which case, a shorter dildo might work. Harnesses typically employ latex or metal rings of different diameters to accommodate a variety of dildo sizes, as well as to offer additional reinforcement to models with holes [http://store.babeland.com/harnesses-2-strap/jaguar-harness], since the hole in the harness by itself would quickly stretch and lose its ability to hold a toy in place. Softer rubbery rings are recommended over metal because they’re gentler on dildos. The type of toy you want to use and the anatomy of the person wearing the harness will affect your selection. Dildos with balls tend to need a more supportive harness (often with waist straps that attach directly to the ring) since they’re heavier toys, and harnesses with a flap separating the toy from the wearer’s body prevent the scrotum or base from chafing the wearer’s skin. The tried 'n' true Terra Firma satisfies all these requirements. Styles that can be worn higher up are more comfortable for men because it won’t squish their misters too much. There are also several larger harnesses or ones with extension straps for people of size who may need a little more room. Those wearing the harness often want to be stimulated themselves as well, and there are a number of options that allow the wearer to get in on the fun. Some strap-ons have a little pocket for a vibrating bullet to stimulate the wearer, or you can place a vibrating cock ring on the dildo or simply use a vibrating dildo if it fits in the harness. Cuffs/plug holders (a small piece of fabric with a hole for a toy to fit through that attaches around the straps of a harness) allow you to use a dildo or butt plug on yourself while you’re servicing your partner. Employing a double dildo or strapless strap-on (see next section) also achieves this effect—one side of the dildo is inserted into the wearer, and the other side goes through the harness to penetrate your partner. If you want to use the harness with a double dildo, you might need a model that sits lower on the hips and positions the toy closer to your vagina. Many women also enjoy lower-riding harnesses because they're able to receive pleasure simply from the dildo bumping against their clit as they penetrate their partner. Strapless Strap-Ons Recent sex toy innovations have brought us “strapless” strap-ons. A cross between a double dildo and a typical strap-on, strapless models are designed so that the fucker holds a shorter bulb-shaped end in place with their vagina or butt, and uses the phallus protruding from their body to penetrate the fuckee. While these were originally made for people who want to experience strap-on sex without a harness, they can also provide a double dildo-type experience, although strapless models don’t really allow the wearer to move the dildo in and out of themselves due to the short and bulbous shape of their end. Despite the fact that the wearer’s part is meant to stay stationary, it is designed to provide them with lots of G-spot (or P-spot in men) stimulation, so the experience ends up being pleasurable for both partners. As you can imagine, it takes some pretty Herculean PC muscles to keep a strapless strap-on steady and maneuver it in your partner. People often find they end up having to stabilize the dildo with their hands, or they employ a harness to gain more control. Strapless models usually come with special ridges or bumps meant to stimulate the wearer’s clitoris, and some (like the Feeldoe) sport a hole for a vibrating bullet that increases sensation for both users. Even if you end up finding these dildos to be ineffective as strap-ons, they’re still great toys. The shorter end can also function as a handle that allows for awesome grip and maneuverability when using it solo or with a partner. Strap-ons are a fun and exciting way to spice up your sex life and explore different methods of penetration as well as genderplay, but if you’re a beginner, choosing the right harness and dildo for you can be a bit overwhelming. There are a lot of options and many factors to consider, especially since these are typically partner-use toys and you’ve got two or more people’s needs to think about. Your neighborhood sex shop is a great resource because the employees are incredibly knowledgeable, and you can often feel and look at the strap-ons up close. Sometimes you can even try them on over your clothes to get a sense of how they’ll fit. Unfortunately, not everybody lives in a place where they have access to sex stores, especially high-quality feminist and GLBTQ friendly ones that tend to have a bigger and better (or any) selection of strap-ons. A lot of those shops do, however, have websites where you can not only read thorough and accurate descriptions of the toys you’re interested in, but also user reviews, which can be almost as helpful as being there in person. (Babeland’s website has great reviews.) If you’re curious about strap-ons, I encourage you to not let false myths and social stigmas prevent you from exploring what can be an incredibly liberating, eye-opening, and pleasurable experience. Butt Toys Despite the numerous myths and negative stigmas surrounding anal play (it’s dirty, risky, pervy, etc.), it can actually be quite enjoyable and safe if you use common sense. Butt fun is also a lot more typical than you’d think. The anus is packed with sensitive nerve endings that make it highly receptive to pleasure, and anal muscles are intertwined with those of our other various sexybits. In fact, I’d venture to say that the majority of both men and women engage in a little backdoor action from time to time. Understandably, the main concern people seem to have with playing with the butt is, well, you know…poo comes out of there. In all honesty, it’s unlikely you’ll encounter a crapload of, uh, crap, because the anal canal and rectum combined are about five to nine inches long and act as a passageway, not a storage place, for feces. The colon is really where all that shit hangs out until it’s ready to make its escape, and the colon is way the fuck up there, so you can rest easy. Nonetheless, some folks seem to think that the only way to safely have some ass fun is to give yourself five thousand enemas and make that bitch squeaky clean. While you are more than welcome to douche your butt [http://store.babeland.com/butt-toys/anal-douche] if it makes you feel more comfortable, a shit and a shower are really sufficient unless you’re aiming for deep penetration or fisting. Also note that overdoing it with anal douches and enemas can rob you of the necessary good stuff your digestive ecosystem needs to stay healthy. Oh, and don’t even get me started on the misogyny and homophobia that’s so often tied to people’s fear of or revulsion towards anal sex. For fuck’s sake, liking it in the butt does NOT make you gay, nor does it compromise your or your partner’s masculinity. Don’t miss out, or cause your partner to miss out, on a highly pleasurable activity because of ridiculous stereotypes and untrue myths. There are a few special rules you have to follow in order to ensure a safe and satisfying anal experience. You must must MUST use a ton of lube with ass activities that involve any degree of insertion, because unlike the vagina, the anus is not self-lubricating and a torn butthole is on nobody’s wish list. You should also take the time to, ahem, warm up your ass by relaxing your sphincter muscles and gradually working your way in, especially if your destination is anal sex or larger toys. I want to STRONGLY caution against using numbing creams like Anal Eaze that are often so irresponsibly recommended for first-time butt explorers. Anal play should never hurt, and reducing your ability to register discomfort can lead to serious damage. Pain is your body’s way of telling you something’s wrong, and you need that reaction to keep you safe and healthy. Relaxation and lube is ALL that’s necessary for a pleasurable anal experience, and if those fail to make it enjoyable, simply stop. Please don’t force yourself to do something that’s unpleasant or painful, no matter how much you or your partner wants it. If you plan on using a toy that’s longer than four inches, it needs to be flexible to conform to the curves of your rectum. All ass objects should be smooth and non-abrasive and—now pay attention here because this is hella important—they absolutely, without a doubt HAVE TO HAVE a flared base, balls, string that won’t come detached, sharp angle/curve, or any other feature that ensures that there is absolutely NO CHANCE that it could slip up and out of your reach. Once you lose something in your butt, you’re not getting it back without a really embarrassing trip to the ER. Please believe me on this one. You should also never put a toy that’s been in your ass into your vag without either washing it thoroughly or covering it with a new condom, unless you’re into itchy vaginal infections (pussy to butt is fine). I find it’s just easier and cleaner to always use condoms on anal toys regardless. Like all sex toys, anal toys are crafted from a variety of materials, but it’s a little more important to pay attention to substance when purchasing butt gear because porous materials can harbor bacteria, which exists in abundance in your ass. Silicone, though expensive, is the gold star of anal toy materials because it’s flexible, non-porous, and can be placed in the dishwasher or sterilized by boiling (see “Sex Toy Materials” section for more details). Cheaper materials are a fine choice if you’re trying an anal toy for the first time and aren’t sure how you’ll like it, but if you know that ass play is your thing, the durability and cleanliness of silicone is worth the cash. Any toy that fits the above criteria can essentially be used anally, however, there are many that are especially designed for your ass. The most common ones are butt plugs, anal beads, butt dildos, and anal vibrators. Butt Plugs Butt plugs are pretty much just dildos ‘specially made for your bootie. Their diamond shape looks odd but addresses a very specific purpose: once you get the widest part past your sphincter, your ass will close around the narrow neck and hold the plug inside you, with the flared base keeping it extra secure. When inserting a plug, angling it up toward your belly button will help it slide in more comfortably. You may also find that a gentle twisting motion helps guide the plug past your sphincter, and gently jiggling and/or twisting aids removal. Butt plugs provide a feeling of fullness, as well as prostate stimulation in men, and there are multiple ways to enjoy them. You can use them during masturbation, oral sex, or vaginal intercourse. Many women find the sensation of having both holes filled really pleasurable, and often the slight pressure the plug exerts through the anus on the bottom vaginal wall can stimulate a male partner’s penis during sex. Some people prefer to have the plug stay in place after insertion, while others like a little in n’ out action. Variations of butt plugs that have bead-like shafts satisfy those who like to feel their anus repeatedly contracting and releasing around the bumps as the toy is moved in and out, and some have ripples that increase in size towards the bottom so users can graduate to wider levels as they become more aroused and slide the plug further in. Butt plugs range in size from finger-small to comically large, and are great toys for those just beginning to venture into the world of butt play.  Anal beads are pretty much exactly what they sound like: a buncha beads strung together that are inserted into your butt. Lots of folks find it both visually and physically exciting to see and feel the anus opening and closing around each bead, so anal beads are often entertaining for both partners. Some people enjoy slowly removing the beads one by one before or after orgasm, and others like to quickly yank them out as they’re coming because it intensifies the orgasmic contractions. Beware that this can elicit a REALLY extreme sensation and requires lots of lube. When most people think about anal beads, they picture small plastic balls on a string. While they are still available, many higher-end shops don’t sell these types of beads anymore because the fabric cord absorbs tons of bacteria and gets really filthy, really fast. When I worked in a sex store, we considered beads-on-a-string to be one-time-use toys. Newer, more hygienic versions are made entirely out of rubber or silicone, and sometimes resemble a long, rippled butt plug. Remember that silicone can be easily cleaned and sanitized, while rubber toys, though considerably less expensive, are porous and difficult to keep clean. Butt Dildos Any toy made of a smooth material with a flared base or balls can really be a butt dildo, and while all stationary goodies like plugs and beads technically qualify as dildos, “butt dildo” is the designated name for slim toys designed for in n’ out anal play. Many have the ability to vibrate, and butt dildos are the toy of choice to use in a harness when the receiver desires butt fucking. Anal Vibrators Vibrating anal toys can relax your butt muscles and help distract you from the involuntary resistance we sometimes experience when exploring anal penetration. Similar to the clitoris or penis, the anus can be very sensitive and receptive to the feeling of vibration. You also don’t have to experience penetration to enjoy anal vibrators. The buzzing sensation can feel really good on or around your butthole because the nerve endings that respond to vibration are contained primarily within the opening and outer third of the rectum. Some butt plugs have a little hidey-hole to tuck a removable vibrating bullet into, while others have a non-removable vibrating mechanism attached to a battery pack with a cord. As with regular vibrators, the corded vs. non-corded debate rages on. Many people appreciate the ease of reaching the controls of a corded model since the butt can be kind of hard to access, and the vibrations provided by regular AA batteries will be stronger than those in the watch battery-run bullet. On the other hand, a cordless bullet model is more aesthetically pleasing and definitely easier to clean, since you can remove the bullet and not have to worry about water ruining the motor. Probe-like vibrators that often double as G-spot toys are also great vibrating butt options, and you can use electric vibrator attachments in your ass as long as there’s a wide enough base to prevent them from disappearing should they slip off the vibe. You can also always make any stationary butt plug or dildo buzz by pressing a vibrator against the base. Choosing an anal toy can be a bit tricky, especially if you’ve never dipped your toe in the world of butt pleasures before. There are a few things to consider and questions you can ask yourself that will narrow the selection a bit and make things a little easier. Cost is almost certainly a factor, and like I said before, cheaper toys made from lower-quality materials are fine if you’re just experimenting and are unsure about your specific needs, but those who know what they like should invest in silicone models which are much more hygienic. Though bigger toys have an unmistakable fantasy value, a plug or dildo will be no good if it’s uncomfortably large, nor will it work if it’s too small for your liking. Experiment with your fingers or other anal-safe toys to roughly determine the diameter you need before making a selection. The type of sensation you desire will also make a difference. If you want something that just sits in place, pick a diamond-shaped plug that’s four inches or less. If you want in-and-out penetration, a longer slim dildo with a slight curve is a better option. Those who like to feel their butt expand and contract will appreciate rippled plugs or anal beads. Please remember that no matter what you end up choosing, it must MUST have a flared base….and don’t forget the lube! Lube Like so many other sex accessories, lube has an unfortunate reputation. (Starting to see a pattern here?) Many people believe that a lack of vaginal moisture (or simply the desire for more) means that a woman is sexually dysfunctional or insufficiently aroused, when oftentimes this is anything but true. There are lots of factors unrelated to sex that can affect your ability to self-lubricate (menopause, hysterectomy, birth, antidepressants, certain points in your menstrual cycle, diabetes, weed, booze, cold meds, and stress can all cause vaginal dryness), and folks often discover that the addition of a lubricant, even when you’re already plenty wet, simply makes for a more enjoyable sexual experience. Lube can enhance almost any type of sexual activity, from masturbation, to oral sex, hand jobs, vaginal intercourse, and anal play, and can be a crucial component when using soft sex toys that absorb your natural moisture. If you purchase a toy only to discover that it’s too big or uncomfortable, make sure you try it with lots of lube before you give up on it. Lube can even make safe sex safer and more enjoyable. Putting a drop of water-based or silicone lube inside a condom before rolling it on will increase sensitivity and pleasure for the wearer, and a well-lubed condom helps keep condoms from breaking because it reduces friction. And of course, if you intend to engage in any type of anal insertion, lube is a non-negotiable, period. Though there are many people who are total lube devotees and swear it increased their sexual pleasure one thousand-fold, others require a certain amount of pleasurable friction for some activities that using lube would eradicate. You might find you enjoy lube for penetration, but not for clit stimulation, or vice versa. Some people don’t like incorporating lube simply because it can be messy and sticky. You can reduce this concern by using a smaller amount, keeping a towel handy, and/or switching to a brand with a silkier texture, but it’s still an understandable downside. Lubes can be thick or thin, watery or stringy, tasteless, bitter, or sweet, depending on formula. The type of activity you plan on using lube for will affect your selection, along with other factors like condom and toy compatibility, sensitivity to certain ingredients, and where the lube will be used. For example, those buying lube for anal sex will want to pick a thicker lube to provide more of a “cushion” for the delicate rectal walls, and because it stays in place better than watery formulas. Silicone lube is also a good choice for anal sex because it withstands friction without drying up longer than water-based formulas. If you’re using silicone toys, you’ll have to pick a water-based lube, which won’t degrade your toys the way silicone lube can. Flavored lube is a good way to make oral sex with a condom or dental dam more enjoyable. Also note that the preservative ingredients in lube have the ability to kill sperm, so you might want to forgo lube if you’re trying to conceive; however, lubes on their own should NOT be relied upon as an effective contraceptive. There are many different types of lube available, each with its own different set of appropriate uses, pros, and cons. A good sex store should have testers available, and you can often buy mini bottles, "lubettes," or sampler packs to get a sense of what's right for you. Water-Based Lubes Water-based formulas are the most common, affordable, and easily-available all-purpose sexual lubricants. They’re non-staining and safe to use with all types of toys, all types of condoms, and in all types of holes. Many water-based lubes contain glycerin (a type of sugar) that give the lube a slightly sweet taste, but can also cause yeast or urinary tract infections in really sensitive ladies. Lucky, there are plenty of glycerin-free lubes on the market which are less irritating and sticky, though they tend to taste a little gross. Some lubes also contain parabens, a type of preservative that can cause allergic reactions, but there are many paraben-free options as well. Most people are able to use all types of water-based lubes without any problems, but if you have irritable skin or are concerned about sensitivity, apply some lube to the inside of your wrist and wait 24 hours before using genitally or grab a glycerin and paraben-free formula. The downside of water-based lube is that it can dry up or get sticky quickly, since the water in it will evaporate with movement and/or absorb into your skin. When this happens, using more lube or (preferably) adding some water or saliva will reactivate the ingredients and get things slipping and sliding again. If purchasing lubricant in the “family planning” or “personal care” aisle of your local drugstore, you will probably exclusively find water-based formulas, and your choices will most likely be limited to the most well-known brands: Astroglide or K-Y Liquid. (K-Y Jelly is a fast-drying, gooey medical lube that’s not ideal for sex play.) Both are tried and true favorites, inexpensive, and easily accessible for those without a sex store close by. Silicone Lubes Silicone lubes are incredibly popular because they provide the staying power and incredible slipperiness of oil (which makes them great for anal play) in a condom-compatible, tasteless, and odorless formula. These lubes are also long lasting because they won’t evaporate with friction, and the spherical silicone molecules are too big to be absorbed into the skin; instead they roll over each other like ball bearings to provide cushioning and slickness (making them a useful substitute for massage oils too). Pure silicone lube is safe for sensitive skin; it contains no irritants, or allergens, nor will it harbor bacteria as long as there aren't additional additives. All pure silicone formulas are made of three silicone liquids that form lube when combined: Dimethicone, Dimethiconal and Cyclomethicone. But the ratios of these three ingredients will affect the viscosity, quality, and price. Dimethicone is denser than the other two silicones, so "premium" (which usually means "pricier") silicone lubes use more Dimethicone and therefore it will be listed higher up on the ingredient label. Don't feel like you need to automatically go for the fanciest formula; in fact, many people enjoy a thinner, less noticeable lube. Silicone lubes are not water-soluble, so they can be used in the shower or hot tub (careful, it can get slippery!) and will remain relatively slick until cleaned off with soap; however, they won't wash out of clothes or sheets easily. There are a few other downsides: silicone lube is usually pretty expensive (though some would argue that the quality and long-lasting nature makes up for the price), and it cannot be used with sex toys made of or containing silicone, including cyberskin. Liquid silicone bonds with solid silicone and basically dissolves everything into a big, gummy mess. If you want a lube that works with your silicone toys, water-based is pretty much your only option. I’m going to be a little bit of a buzzkill and admit that, while sexperts and sex shop employees like to wax poetic on the magic of silicone lube ‘till the cows come home, in my personal experience, it’s not as flawless as it’s made out to be. Let’s have some realistic expectations, here. Though definitely longer lasting and less tacky than any other lube, you do wind up having to apply more or recharge what’s left with a little bit of spit because it will eventually start to fade away. Nonetheless, silicone lube is my favorite kind, if for no other reason than the fact that it’s tasteless, odorless, and not sticky. It’s also not as difficult to wash off as they say. A brisk rub with a damp or dry towel leaves me feeling clean enough without having to shower and suds up. Or you can just smooth whatever's left over on your body to moisturize your skin and run it through your hair to de-frizz and give it shine. No joke. Oil-Based Lubes The most important thing to remember about oil-based lubes (which, along with some sexual lubricants, include household items like massage oils, lotions, creams, and Vaseline) is that they will eat through a latex condom, dental dam, latex glove, diaphragm, or cervical cap like a hot knife through butter. Don’t believe me? Blow up a condom and rub a dab of Vaseline on it. Oil-based formulas will also degrade sex toys containing any amount of latex, including jelly rubber and cyberskin toys. Oil-based lubes of any kind are not suitable for use as a vaginal lubricant because they’re not naturally flushed out of the vagina, and the remaining gooey film can attract bacteria and cause yeast infections. Household lotions, heavy formulas, and those with scents and other irritants shouldn’t be used internally, period. All that being said, oil-based lubes are great for dude hand jobs and masturbation due to the fact that they don’t evaporate or absorb into the skin, thus staying slick indefinitely. And because your ass flushes itself out when you poo, oil-based lubes are fine for anal sex, unless you’re using a latex condom (polyurethane/plastic condoms, however, are oil-compatible). While there are a few oil-based lubes on the market specifically designed for sex, they’re really only suitable for penis-stroking or people engaging in unprotected anal play. If you want an oil-based lube feeling, I recommend silicone, which has the long-lasting qualities of oil without all the nasty downsides. Flavored / Warming / Tingling / Numbing Lubes When I worked in a sex store, flavored lubes made me want to tear my fucking hair out, because every day I’d speak to some poor girl who inquired about using them as a way to mask the flavor of her own natural pussy. Apparently there are legions of women running around worried that their cunts will taste bad to their lovers without the assistance of sugary, watermelon-flavored goo. And there were just as many male customers who bought into this ridiculous idea as well. Not only is this attitude horrifically vagina-shaming and damaging to a woman’s sexual confidence, but it can actually be harmful. Flavored lubes contain either sugar or aspartame (the kind of fake sugar found in diet sodas and sugarfree gum), which are highly likely to be irritating or give you a yeast infection. Flavored lubes are really not meant for use on your ladybits, particularly internally, but can actually function as great safer sex enhancements—they make oral sex with a condom or dental dam a little more enjoyable by masking that nasty latex taste. Tingling and warming formulas usually employ some form of cinnamon or menthol/mint to add a burst of extra sensation during sex play. I have no desire to experience fire n' ice pussy so I’ve never bothered to try these types of lubes, but I’ve heard mixed reviews from opposite ends of the spectrum. Naturally, some people love the unique tingly feelings they can provide, and for others, the experience is uncomfortable or downright painful. If you want to experiment with these types of lubes, I recommend using a small amount at first so you can gauge your reaction before going full throttle. Though they’re not widely available anymore, especially not in reputable sex shops, numbing lubes are marketed to a) decrease sensitivity in men so they can delay ejaculation and prolong sex, b) stifle your gag reflex when performing oral sex, and/or c) numb your ass to facilitate anal sex. I caution against using numbing lubes for any of these purposes for multiple reasons. Sex is meant to be enjoyed and experienced with feeling, and there are more positive ways to prevent premature ejaculation than decreasing the amount of pleasure your partner receives during sex. As I mentioned in the "Butt Toys" section, ass-numbing creams (sometimes billed as “Anal Lubes” or the brand name Anal Eaze) that impede your body’s ability to register pain and discomfort can be really dangerous and are definitely not recommended. Numbing the back of your throat so you can bang a cock against it without retching is a fundamentally bad idea for similar reasons—your gag reflex serves a purpose. Spermicidal Lubes Though they seem like a good idea in theory, I recommend staying away from spermicidal lubes, which contain the harsh detergent nonoxynol-9. In the past, spermicidal lubes (in foam, gel, film, or suppository form) have been recommended for use in conjunction with condoms as a method of contraception. While this combo is effective at preventing pregnancy, recent studies have shown that nonoxynol-9 can also irritate delicate tissues enough to cause lesions or abrasions, which facilitates the transmission of STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections). This is especially true of spermicidal condoms—the thin layer of spermicidal lube that comes on the condom isn't nearly enough to prevent pregnancy effectively, though it is enough to irritate your genitals. Along with the STI risk, many people also just find spermicidal lubes to be extremely uncomfortable. I made the mistake of using a spermicidal condom once, and not only did my pussy feel like it was on fire for hours afterwards, but the residue on his penis made my mouth numb after oral sex. Um, no thanks. For these reasons, spermicidal lubes are becoming increasingly harder to find, but nonetheless, I still know people who prefer to use them. If you’re in that category, at least use condoms as much as possible to help prevent STI transmission, and do yourself a favor and keep that shit out of your mouth. Sex Toy Materials Sex toys are made in a dazzling array of materials with different textures and maintenance needs. Like most products, toys made out of higher-quality materials are usually more expensive. I know the idea of blowing a hundred bucks on something you jack off with can be an unappealing prospect, but considering that pricier toys are typically more durable, safer, and easier to clean, you might find they’re worth the extra bread. Rubber Sex toys made from rubber are typically either peachy or flat black—neither is really representative of actual skin tones. Rubber dildos are nice because they’re inexpensive and flexible, though they're pretty heavy and tough to keep clean. Rubber is porous, so dirt and bacteria work their way under the surface and can’t be scrubbed out (and scrubbing will only “pill up” the surface of your toy). You can use all types of lubes with pure rubber, although if the toy contains any latex (which some do), oil-based lubricants will eat away at the material. Washing rubber toys with soap and water, letting them air dry, and storing them in a cool, dark place will help extend their life (and should be done after every use), though again, these toys are porous and can’t ever be completely cleaned or sanitized. Using a condom on rubber toys will keep them clean and also protect you from any bacteria that may have accumulated over time. For some reason, rubber toys can degrade each others’ surfaces, so store rubber toys separately (same with jelly rubber toys below). Jelly Rubber Jelly rubber is one of the most common sex toy materials because it’s inexpensive, soft, flexible, and comes in a dazzling array of bright, playful colors, and can even incorporate glitter or bubbles. These toys have some huge downsides though: they’re extremely porous so they’re difficult to keep clean. The jelly material is primarily made from a plastic called polyvinyl chloride (PVC), though it may also contain latex (which some people are allergic to and is also incompatible with oil-based lubes). Recently phthalates, plasticizing chemicals added to PVC as a softening agent, have come under fire for their possible carcinogenic properties. Phthalates are environmental pollutants, and while there’s no conclusive evidence that they’re directly responsible for negative health effects, they do tend to leach out of the plastics they’ve been added to. No research has been done on the effects of phthalates from sex toys, but jelly rubber toys are becoming increasingly controversial because of the possible harmful effects of phthalates. These are all great reasons to always use condoms on jelly toys. Condoms will not only keep these porous toys clean, but also protect your delicate and absorbent genital tissue from the material. You’ll know a toy is jelly rubber if it smells very strongly of plastic (like a new shower curtain), and though the smell will probably remain for the life of the object, letting it air our after you open the package will help diffuse the stench. Jelly toys aren't very durable, but they’re good first-time toys or to try a size or shape you’re not familiar with because they’re inexpensive. Clean jelly toys with soap and water, let them air dry, and store them in a cool, dark place away from other objects. Pretty much anything and everything will stick to jelly rubber, so I recommend washing them before use, also. And again, using condoms will greatly improve their lifespan, cleanliness, and safety. The phthalate debate has begun to inspire manufacturers to create and use different types of materials, such as elastomer. Elastomer is a soft, phthalate-free, latex-free, and hypoallergenic substance that is becoming increasingly popular, though it too is porous and therefore cannot be sterilized. Elastomer should essentially be treated like jelly rubber, though you don't have to worry about phthalates. Cyberskin Cyberskin is a space-age, skin-like material that offers the most realistic experience a sex toy has to offer. On the flip side, it’s, like, the most porous material in the world, almost impossible to keep clean, and a pain in the ass to maintain. A cyberskin toy has to be washed, airdried, and powdered with cornstarch after every use, then stored in a bag with more cornstarch—don’t use talcum powder, which has been shown to cause cancer in women. Even if you religiously follow these orders it will probably still get gross, and cyberskin may contain phthalates, so it’s recommended that you always use a condom on these toys, though this kind of puts a kink in that whole “skin-like” benefit. The exact composition of cyberskin is unknown, but it contains silicone and probably some type of rubber or plastic. You cannot use silicone or oil-based lubes on cyberskin toys because they’ll eat away at the material, and you should store them separately from other toys. Silicone Silicone is the new rock-star of sex toys, because it’s non-porous, flexible, easy to clean, retains body heat, transmits vibration, and can be sterilized. Silicone toys are hypoallergenic and therefore great for people who have sensitive skin or are worried about reactions to latex/vinyl/rubber. You can clean silicone with soap and water, in the dishwasher (really!), or by boiling it for five to ten minutes, which will provide the most disinfection. Because they’re so easily cleaned, these toys are sharable with partners as long as they’re thoroughly washed between uses or you put on a condom. Vibrators should obviously not be boiled or dishwashed unless the vibrating mechanism is completely removable (like toys with a hole for a bullet vibe). Silicone is extremely durable and long-lasting, which makes the higher price tag a little easier to swallow. If the surface of the toy is pierced or torn however, it will easily rip right though, so be careful when using them in harnesses, especially with metal rings. The two downsides of silicone toys are that they’re typically pretty expensive, and you can’t use silicone lubes with them because they’ll gum up (unless you roll a condom on first). There are also toys out there that contain a mixture of silicone and other ingredients, usually rubber. Laws state that a toy only has to contain 10 percent of a material to be labeled that material, and because many companies have realized what a strong selling point silicone is, they’ll slap the word on any package they can, no matter how disingenuous it may be. Unlike pure silicone, these toys are porous, cannot be disinfected, and may contain phthalates, so condom use is recommended; you should essentially consider them jelly rubber. Silicone mix toys will be more durable than just rubber or vinyl by itself, but even their small percentage of silicone renders them incompatible with silicone lubricants. Vinyl Vinyl is somewhere in between rubber and silicone in hygiene, durability, and price. These toys are more solid and less porous than jelly rubber, but they are still porous and can't be disinfected the way silicone can. Wash vinyl with soap and water, and use a condom every time for maximum cleanliness. Hard Plastics / Glass / Acrylic / Metal Hard materials are nearly as easy to clean as silicone. They're almost completely non-porous (certain cheap plastics can be slightly porous), and are easily washed off with soap and water…but be careful if you're cleaning a motorized toy that's not waterproof. You need to use condoms on these toys if you're sharing them with partners, but they won't harbor bacteria the way jelly rubber will, so condoms aren't required if the toy is only yours. Plastic and acrylic cannot be boiled but glass toys can, though it's probably unnecessary. Besides being low-maintenance, another bonus to hard materials is that they're great to use with lube. They stay super slick because there's no absorbent material to soak up the moisture. While they sound scary, glass sex toys are typically made out of durable Pyrex glass that is shatter-proof. Nonetheless, it's a wise move to inspect your glass toys before use, and ditch them if they have a crack. Acrylic also can't be shattered, but it can be cracked if really put to the test. Just treat your hard toys reasonably gently, clean them after every use, and they'll provide you with years of pleasure. Do be careful when using unyielding materials in your ass. The rectum has a natural curve, and some people using hard toys anally report discomfort or pain if a "wrong turn" is made. Last Word Safety and the Golden Rules of Sex Toys: I’m sure some of these are going to seem absolutely ridiculous, but the reason you’re being told is because somebody somewhere has done it before. Seriously, give people a hole, and they'll stick anything in it, common sense, logic, and general decency be damned. Sex toys have the capability to completely transform your sex life, but as the saying goes, with great power comes great responsibility. Let's keep it safe out there: • Anything that goes in your butt must have a flared base, handle, or something that makes it retrievable. Always. • Nothing goes from your ass to your vagina without being covered with a fresh condom or thoroughly washed (only if the toy is non-porous, i.e. silicone, acrylic, or glass). Same goes for sharing toys with your partners, which presents an STI risk. • Anything motorized should never be submerged in water unless specifically labeled as “waterproof.” Even then it’s probably not the best idea to completely submerge them for extended periods of time. • When cleaning non-waterproof motorized toys, take care to keep water out of the vibrating mechanism. • The only glass objects that should be used as sex toys are ones made specifically for that purpose. Vases, bottles, and other multi-functional glassware aren't built as durably as glass dildos and could shatter (holyfuckowwwww!). Bottles present a very dangerous suction threat if inserted open-end in. • While creativity is encouraged, be careful when using household objects as sex toys. Wood can splinter, food can contain irritating sugars, and plastic can have sharp seams (though these can be sanded down with a nail file). I know sex toys are expensive, but you’d probably feel pretty silly ripping up your vagina because you wanted to save fifty bucks. • Any penetrative ass activity MUST be accompanied by copious amounts of lube. • Remove the batteries from toys in between uses. Batteries can corrode the insides, and they run a slight electric current through the toy at all times which will quickly wear out the motor, even if it's off. • Don't use creams or lubes designed to numb your throat or genitals. • Inspect your toys before use for any cracks, splinters, peeling, or hard objects poking out of soft material (such as the metal spine that's contained within some flexible dildos). Whew! Well, I hope you're now equipped to explore the exciting world of sex toys, whether you're a first-timer or a certifiable sexpert. As I said before, what I covered is really a drop in the bucket. Your local sex store, as well as the Internet, can fill in any remaining questions you may have. It can be pretty difficult to feel empowered enough to explore your body and sexuality in a culture that can only be described as "confused" at best and "sex-negative" at worst, but if you only take one thing away from this article, let it be the knowledge that you are entitled to sexual pleasure, in any capacity, as long as it doesn't infringe on someone else's rights. Don't think twice about taking whatever steps are necessary to ensure that all your days and nights are filled with earth-shattering orgasms, including acquiring almost every sex toy in existence (which I have pretty much done). Godspeed, and happy shopping! xoxo, Kendall |
